i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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