and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize