My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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