I am in a vortex of obligation.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
