Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
