I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
