This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
