If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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