so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
