Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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