Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
