playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize