I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
