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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
