I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
