I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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