You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
