Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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