you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
