Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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