My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
