I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
