Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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