Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
