When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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