I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i black out too much to be "responsible"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
