We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's shark week go big or go home
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
