I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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