I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize