Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
