Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
