the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
