im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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