Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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