Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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