It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
