Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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