His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
