And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
