There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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