How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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