She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want a musical about memes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
