This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
