She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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