Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Vodka?
Forever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
