My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
