Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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