Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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