i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
