I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
