Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
