would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
