I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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