quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
