Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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