If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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