I am in a vortex of obligation.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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