Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
