I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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