Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
