Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
