Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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