There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish you could order shots online.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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