Already got asked if we're dating
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
