Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
