I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you made out with another girl for some wings
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
