I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
