areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
