I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
