I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We left the knife in your bed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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