Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
