i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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