someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
