even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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