Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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