I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
