i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
