There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
