I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
