i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
