If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
