God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
