I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
