I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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