i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
