please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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