cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
