i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
