I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
