I wish my penis had an off switch
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
