One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
