Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize