Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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