did you get engaged???
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
