I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
