booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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