dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
