I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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