what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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