i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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