My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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