In the future we'll all be gay
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
