Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
