Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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