Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
