You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
