I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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