guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
